Poker Articles

I’m playing in a Pokerstars tournament on a Saturday evening. It’s early and I suffer a bad beat, dropping my stack to below a thousand chips. I’d been on a run of bad luck the past few weeks and I despairingly complained to the Poker Gods:

“Why am I always so unlucky?”

There is a sudden flash of lightning outside, the lights dim and my computer screen flickers on and off. Suddenly my screen looks different. The table is black rather than green and my cards are face down.

“What! My cards are face down and I cannot see them!”

I’m on the button and there’s a bet in front of me.

“Why can’t I see my cards?”

I reluctantly fold and wonder what to do. I try closing and re-opening the table, but it is just the same. I laugh ironically to myself and think I’m going to have to play the tournament blind like Annette famously did last year.

Luckily this is the only tournament I’m in at the moment and given my stack I don’t consider it to be a big deal. Imagine if this happened at a Final Table. That would suck. I think I’ll probably have to restart the client or something like that, but the next hand has already been dealt and still my cards are face down. I move the cursor over my cards to try to click on them, but when I do my cards are revealed, like the ghost cards that can be revealed after you’ve folded.

It’s not ideal, but I play the next few hands and resolve the restart the client at the next break. Then there’s a raise and reraise in front of me and I’ve got Jack-Ten offsuit in the big blind. Obviously I’m going to fold, but I move the cursor over the players to see where they’re from and when I do that I can see their cards.

“WHAT THE F*** I CAN SEE THEIR CARDS!!!”

They’re both bluffing: it’s an open raise with Jack-Seven offsuit and a reraise with Four-Five suited. I think I can make a crazy re-re-steal just like Imper1um sometimes does. I’ve never had the balls to do that before. I move in, they both fold and I pick up a nice pot. It feels great to play a hand like that.

“WOW WHAT CRAZY S*** JUST HAPPENED!!!?”

I could see their cards when I moved the cursor over them, just like I could see my own. The next hand is dealt, I try it again and sure enough I can see their cards again.

My heart is thumping as I play the next few orbits, consistently chipping up as I make plays based on perfect information. I look at my chip count and it is over 11k. Winning this tournament is going to be easy.

“OH MY GOD, I AM A SUPERUSER!!!”

The winner of the tournament gets around $24k. That’s going to be nice. That’s going to be very nice. I easily win the tournament and feel very happy with myself.

“Wait a minute, I am a Superuser. Will this work at other tables? While winning a tournament is great surely I can win much more quickly in cash games.”

I think about joining the biggest 100/200 NLHE cash games and raking it in, but then I reconsider. That would be too obvious. It will be better if I just try 25/50 NLHE. There are usually a few tables and I’d be much less conspicuous. I’ve played 25/50 NLHE before and tourny donks can often been found taking a shot at such limits after winning a big tourny.

So I open up a 25/50 NLHE table, sit down at an empty seat and buy-in for $5k. The table is black, just like my tournament, and sure enough I can see the players’ cards when I run the cursor over them. I feel as confident as Gobboboy:

“I’M GOING TO CRUSH THEM!!!”

I soon start raking in the pots and building my stack. I fire-up a few more 25/50 NLHE tables and soon I’ve got four tables going and I’m crushing them all. I play for a couple of hours. I can’t stop. I won’t stop. This is crazy. I’ve now made over $30k.

My wife comes in and asks if I want some tea. I’m a little freaked-out at this point. My mind is doing cartwheels. I quickly say

“Yes, please, bring me some tea. I’m doing great!”

I don’t want to tell her how well I’m really doing or why I’m doing so well. I feel a little furtive, but hell this is real money I’m making here. In a few minutes she brings me my tea and looks at the screen. I quickly move the cursor away so I’m not revealing anyone’s cards.

“You’re playing a lot”

“Yeah, it’s going well”

I continue for a few more hours. I’ve now made over $100k. It’s late now, maybe 5am, and my wife comes in again and sees I’m still playing feverishly.

“You’re still playing. Aren’t you tired?”

She looks at my screen. Still four tables of 25/50 NLHE. She sees that they are cash games

“You’re playing cash games? Don’t waste your money on cash games”

“Look, I’m winning over a hundred thousand dollars and it’s going really well. I’m going to continue for a while”

She tells me to stop. To save the money I’ve won and not risk losing it.

“But I’m playing really well. I can win some more”

I realise I’m lying to her and I get a guilty feeling inside. I’m hiding the truth about my Superuser abilities from my own wife, but what else can I do? This is serious money.

“WE’RE GOING TO BE RICH!!!”

I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. It was all a dream, but wow what a dream! Then it dawns on me.

“Am I really that corruptible? Would I really start stealing money from people just like that if I could? Would I really hide the truth from my wife? Would I live the life of a Superuser?”

Wouldn’t anyone?

The above story is based on a real dream I had the night before I wrote this. I strongly oppose all forms of cheating.

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Recent Scores for zpaceman

$39,777.72

$215 buy-in, Sunday Warm-Up $500K guaranteed [$215 NLHE] on PokerStars. 03/09/2008, 3 place for 39,777.72

$21,358.40

$500 buy-in, BPOpen Main Event ($25K Added) on Bodog. 03/09/2008, 4 place for 21,358.40

$7,752.00

$320 buy-in, No Limit Hold'em on PokerStars. 05/31/2008, 4 place for 7,752.00